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Do we know how to listen?

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Do we know how to listen?

Postby Carina Rei » Sun Jun 07, 2015 2:58 am

Skillful listening is the best remedy for loneliness, loquaciousness, and laryngitis.
William Arthur Ward

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

We have two ears and one mouth, so we should listen more than we say.

Zeno of Citium

The other day I was thinking about the course of a conversation. Person A asked something to B, B began to respond, quickly interrupted by A telling something that came to his mind by one of the words said by B, and went on to, while B could not finish answering the question asked. Then A was really interested in what B would tell or was just looking for an opportunity to tell what he wanted, without being asked?

It made me reflect on my attitude when someone tells me something, do I pay due attention and ask to investigate the problem or do I just relate it to something similar that has happened to me and tell it without letting the person finish ?, if my experience may help him is good to tell it, but beforehand I should let my friend finish and try to put myself in his place to decide what to tell him, what may help. Do we do this really?

Have you ever wondered when you're telling someone something, if the person is really interested in what you are telling him? This reminds me of a Castle tour during a trip to the mainland in September. The man who showed us the Castle was older and had witnessed part of the history, repeatedly he said sorry for talking so much and he told us to say if we were not interested, for us it was the opposite, his narration of the history of this land was really fascinating, especially because it came from this grandfather's heart, he was still living it and loved that Castle, whose lord had changed so many times and ended up being owned by the University of Valladolid.

When we meet our loved ones who we have not seen for a long time, do we ask about their lives, their studies or work, their dreams, are we interested in their welfare?, or simply do we take the opportunity to tell selfishly especially about our own, without ever being questioned?, are we interested in the things of our loved ones or do we just want to talk about our lives? If we reflect honestly within us, we could check why some people do not call us by phone as before or invite us to their homes. Do you belong to those lonely people who have no friends and your family are not related to you? Did you ever wonder if you are responsible of that due to your attitude? or are you angry and did you say to yourself that they do not want to know anything about you, blaming them for the distance?

When we are attacked in aikido, we give our response according to the attack and listen to uke letting him end the technique, our teacher always insists on doing aikido as if we keep a conversation, wait for uke, if we act precipitously contact is lost, and uke can not finish the technique, it is a work of two and each has his role.

Yesterday I saw a movie of a couple, in which she had dreams of a career in United States and when at last her dream fulfilled, she realizes that the dream of her partner was to stay where they were, she saw her dream fulfilled but as a result of thinking only in herself, she broke off their relationship. All of us have a dream we want to see accomplished, although it would be healthy in a relationship if our partner had a similar dream. If we pursue our dream selfishly leaving our partner or without considering what he wants, in the end we may get to fulfill our dream alone. Throughout our lives we have to adapt many times and it would be best to accept what life throws at us, flow and consider to be happy with that. We will never be happy if we are always expecting something more or better, lets enjoy the here and now and make the best of it and listen with our mind and our heart.


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Carina Rei
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:50 am
Location: Gran Canaria - Spain

Re: Do we know how to listen?

Postby Francis Takahashi » Sun Jun 21, 2015 12:46 pm

Very interesting points of view that you are presenting, Carina.

Differentiating between "hearing" and "listening", we may discover much about the agenda of both the speaker and the listener, as both interchange roles in a conversation.Taking turns is, of course, polite. Yet, an urgency to finish the message can override normal conversation rules, especially if instruction is involved. It certainly becomes a case by case scenario.

I agree that hearing a person's narrative out, without interruption,may be the kindest. Yet, if the person is rambling, or consistently getting off point, the listener is not bound to remain passive. A simple "excuse my interruption, but...." can assist the conversation to be more mutually satisfying. Again, each instance is different.

I believe that the one person you must always be in tune with, is yourself. It is senseless to lose valuable time and energy in a unsatisfactory encounter, and a quick departure, or change of direction, is imperative.There is no need to feel guilty or embarrassed by being honest, as long as you remain polite and respectful when you are.

Remaining clear in your own mind of why you are in that scenario, allows you to monitor the direction, content, and viability of that conversation. Then, you may find yourself listening not only with hearing, but by other senses as well in making the experience much more productive.

In movement based circumstances, like martial arts, the auditory input component is rather insignificant. Much keener attention should be given to sight, touch and accessing your inner voice , or subconscious mind, the instant non judgmental reservoir of your entire store of experiences, skills and knowledge. Your ability to respond appropriately and safely, will most likely rely on your speed of recognition and instant response. "Katsu Hayabi" refers to just that skill.
Francis Takahashi
Posts: 411
Joined: Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:51 pm

Re: Do we know how to listen?

Postby Carina Rei » Sun Jun 21, 2015 10:54 pm

Thank you Takahashi Shihan not only for your wise reply but for your excellent complement of my post
Carina Rei
Posts: 461
Joined: Fri Jul 15, 2011 12:50 am
Location: Gran Canaria - Spain

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